Updates on kekanak riang

Hmm tq peminat tegar anak anak aku :P :P :P Meh update on kanak kanak riang

Recently they have become the sweetest kids in the world (bias la kan) but more kepada melodramatic la sebenarnyaaa :D

But they really accept our changes well.. in my opinion, at least. Of course there were complains from them a bit here and there, but they area accepting, trying to understand eventho they dont…. but most of all… they have been my strongest anchor. My doctor suggest me to hang on to someone, as an anchor for me to be stronger.. till i can stand on my own. I have been holding to to friends, in which i dont realize that actually.. my kids are my roots.. they have been there in front of me and I never realize.

Zahraa and Nasuha.. use to hug of me out of a sudden and say.. mom, you are my angel.. dont be sad okay. Yaya wants a happy angel… and there will be notes from her… in my bag, a drawing of me and a writing that says, i love you mom.. you are my angel.

They used to wipe away my tears too… didnt say anything.. just wipe.. and kiss and hug me tight. They do know what I really without me asking.

And many other occasion lah… oh.. yesterday.. I told them how i used to sing to Nasuha; Mana dia Nasuha, Nasuha, Nasuha… Mana dia Nasuha.. Sini.. Saya.. (ikut lagu London Bridge..) and out of a sudden… serentak these girls sing… Mana dia Mama.. Mama.. Mama… Mana dia Mama.. Sayang Mama…

:D :D :D Sweeeeettt (well.. at least for me… it did) And it did bloom my heart and blast my mood.

Alhamdulillah… my kids are my blessings. But of course kids are kids, and these 2 are very very very hyper and extra friendly too… to some people they are extra nakal… are they? Takpalah.. i hope bit by bit i could mould them better.. kalau tak de sapa tolong pun.. Allah ada kan… like what zahraa always says… dont worry mom… Allah kan ada..

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Set of 3: in love :D

Selamat hari raya

This is may favorite raya video clip. Selamat hari raya semua.. maaf zahir batin

lets start again

i’d like to write again.. itch to write again.. but.. does blog is still in trend? does anyone read what i write? have i ever care? :P

but i dont really know where to start. where to pick up at the spot where i stop.. but.. something has to start somewhere right..

lets begin with some explanation.. well.. errr.. hmm i dont think i need to explain anything.. :P (okay.. opening up.. thats what my doc said)

err.. okay.. so i am single now.. a single mother, i’d say… i am better today, healthier, happier, alhamdulillah i felt blessed…. i know i am not the perfect person on earth.. but i’d like to thank all my dearly friends who has hang around.. not judging.. just supporting and trusting. and to those.. hypocrites.. haah .. nevermind.. lets talk about that some other day i guess…

i am now staying with kids… still in penang.. juggling things on my own, financially, physically… once a while they will see their dad… so once a while i will be single.. looking for new things to do. ¬†catching up on things that i missed…. keeping up with my works… so on weekends…. i am either hiking, working, by the beach, reading.. or cleaning.. or simply will be on my construction sites. doing things that i love to do. sometimes i have frens to keep me busy.. sometimes i have buddies to keep me laughing… i dont really have many family members around to keep me in a good spirit… of course everyone has their own thing to be busy on.. but… once a while i get to see my sister.

usually friends who got divorced will go back to their parents and be closed to their parents again. but i am not. i dont really have anywhere to turn to. my frends becomes families.. families that were not bonded by blood.. by thru love and care.. to me.. those were called.. inconditional love. hmm kinda emotional huh…

okay.. not planning to write a novel here.. but just trying to let those who concern about me know – i am doing okay. and i want to be a happy girl again. help me to smile eveyrday okay.. love ya!!

every new seed will grow

every scar would heal

lets hope and pray with me

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a new beginning

A new beginning. like a new seed. That is what I am looking into now. The End doesnt always seems to be bad.

Nobody wants a good thing to end. Nobody wants a bad ending. Nobody dreams of a divorce. But things happens, and not everyone is lucky enough to live happily ever after.

I am those unlucky ones. whose fairy tale does not comes true. I have learn enough, about people, about family, and most of all, about myself. Help me start fresh, help me start new.

Lost

i have been gone.. from blogging.. for quite some time.. always the same thing..too busy, no idea, but all in all.. there is not enough motivation for me to write again? yup.. that shud be it.. no need lah alasan tiada masa semua tu.. so i am —- LOST —– at what shud i start with again

 

The recent missing airplane MH370.. woww such a tragedy.. to the whole wide world. such a shock to all of us… i am just praying we can come to a conclusion to it real soon.. but also deep in my heart.. i was hoping we still searching.. they might be trap in a dark whole or something.. or they are just like in that series —- LOST —–

 

My turns turns upside down again.. at the time I was ready to blog again.. about babies and diapers and such.. i — LOST —- it again another missed miscariage. and had to go for D&C once again. This happened to me before, also at 10 weeks.. with the same manner.. found out the baby’s heart beat has stopped. Everything else had grew.. just the baby didnt. This time around… things are very very very different. I didnt jsut LOST the baby.. sut some part of me… are also —– LOST —– which i did not want to talk about for now. I am now sitting down as a different person.. different feeling … searching for a new beginning. I am totally not LOST. Knowing my self better..and what i want. May Allah is with me

Happy fathers day

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A late post. Happy fathers day to my husband. He tried his best to give it all to his girls. But the best was: sparing his time with them; he teaches them iqra n solat, swimming and manmers- that is the best thing everrrrrrr

Checklist

Zahraa buat audit kat saya hari ni

Eyes: oo your eyes is so big u can see everything. Good. Check
Mouth: you can eat food. Check
Nose: got nose. U can smell delicious things. Check
Hands: ok got hands.so you can pegang pegang masak.check
Ears: you can hear things. Check

You are good mom

Tagged

I miss u

So far away. I miss my best friend. I just can hope and pray she is well and happy.

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