Selamat hari raya

This is may favorite raya video clip. Selamat hari raya semua.. maaf zahir batin

lets start again

i’d like to write again.. itch to write again.. but.. does blog is still in trend? does anyone read what i write? have i ever care? :P

but i dont really know where to start. where to pick up at the spot where i stop.. but.. something has to start somewhere right..

lets begin with some explanation.. well.. errr.. hmm i dont think i need to explain anything.. :P (okay.. opening up.. thats what my doc said)

err.. okay.. so i am single now.. a single mother, i’d say… i am better today, healthier, happier, alhamdulillah i felt blessed…. i know i am not the perfect person on earth.. but i’d like to thank all my dearly friends who has hang around.. not judging.. just supporting and trusting. and to those.. hypocrites.. haah .. nevermind.. lets talk about that some other day i guess…

i am now staying with kids… still in penang.. juggling things on my own, financially, physically… once a while they will see their dad… so once a while i will be single.. looking for new things to do. ¬†catching up on things that i missed…. keeping up with my works… so on weekends…. i am either hiking, working, by the beach, reading.. or cleaning.. or simply will be on my construction sites. doing things that i love to do. sometimes i have frens to keep me busy.. sometimes i have buddies to keep me laughing… i dont really have many family members around to keep me in a good spirit… of course everyone has their own thing to be busy on.. but… once a while i get to see my sister.

usually friends who got divorced will go back to their parents and be closed to their parents again. but i am not. i dont really have anywhere to turn to. my frends becomes families.. families that were not bonded by blood.. by thru love and care.. to me.. those were called.. inconditional love. hmm kinda emotional huh…

okay.. not planning to write a novel here.. but just trying to let those who concern about me know – i am doing okay. and i want to be a happy girl again. help me to smile eveyrday okay.. love ya!!

every new seed will grow

every scar would heal

lets hope and pray with me


a new beginning

A new beginning. like a new seed. That is what I am looking into now. The End doesnt always seems to be bad.

Nobody wants a good thing to end. Nobody wants a bad ending. Nobody dreams of a divorce. But things happens, and not everyone is lucky enough to live happily ever after.

I am those unlucky ones. whose fairy tale does not comes true. I have learn enough, about people, about family, and most of all, about myself. Help me start fresh, help me start new.


i have been gone.. from blogging.. for quite some time.. always the same thing..too busy, no idea, but all in all.. there is not enough motivation for me to write again? yup.. that shud be it.. no need lah alasan tiada masa semua tu.. so i am —- LOST —– at what shud i start with again


The recent missing airplane MH370.. woww such a tragedy.. to the whole wide world. such a shock to all of us… i am just praying we can come to a conclusion to it real soon.. but also deep in my heart.. i was hoping we still searching.. they might be trap in a dark whole or something.. or they are just like in that series —- LOST —–


My turns turns upside down again.. at the time I was ready to blog again.. about babies and diapers and such.. i — LOST —- it again another missed miscariage. and had to go for D&C once again. This happened to me before, also at 10 weeks.. with the same manner.. found out the baby’s heart beat has stopped. Everything else had grew.. just the baby didnt. This time around… things are very very very different. I didnt jsut LOST the baby.. sut some part of me… are also —– LOST —– which i did not want to talk about for now. I am now sitting down as a different person.. different feeling … searching for a new beginning. I am totally not LOST. Knowing my self better..and what i want. May Allah is with me

Happy fathers day



A late post. Happy fathers day to my husband. He tried his best to give it all to his girls. But the best was: sparing his time with them; he teaches them iqra n solat, swimming and manmers- that is the best thing everrrrrrr


Zahraa buat audit kat saya hari ni

Eyes: oo your eyes is so big u can see everything. Good. Check
Mouth: you can eat food. Check
Nose: got nose. U can smell delicious things. Check
Hands: ok got you can pegang pegang masak.check
Ears: you can hear things. Check

You are good mom


I miss u

So far away. I miss my best friend. I just can hope and pray she is well and happy.



Wisdom tooth extraction

I came to know about my wisdom tooth issue some time longggggg ago. When i was 15. Thats was when i had an x ray before my braces was on. My dentist told me the position of my wisdom tooth would be an issue some day. At that time, they were just pushing all my lower front soldiers, making them squeezed in my small mouth. And at that time those braces helped.
But some years ago, those wisdom tooth has been a nightmare. And open door to my habit of taking pain killers..the second reason after my migraine. It was something i hated, something i had in me, something i am fighting off.

So why dont i get them out? Well obviously…duuuhhhhhh…of course i was scared! And of course i am with a baby bla bla bla, breastfeeding bla bla bla … And so goes my list of excuses. But the other reason was of course they are expensive. Damn expensive i would say. I had once brace myself to a dentist but (luckily) she said she is not doing it anymore, its a risky lil surgery yada yada (and yayyy for me at that fime)

But since last August, it had became worst. The whole row of my teeth were in pain. And came october, i could not bear it any longer. But it was soooo expensive, and was not cover by my medical. Till January came, one night i could not sleep, and cry and ….errr u can imagine i guess. And thats it..thats the last drill.

At last i visited We Care Dental Surgeon, Dr Law. And get it out. My mouth is small, and they was no space for the dentist to work on. And the wisdom tooth itself was already in bad shape. So what he did was to cut my teeth into 3 pieces, then cut off my gums, to take out the hooked roots, that has already got to my nerves. That was what made the pain keep coming again and again, with them being close to the nerves. The x ray and check up cost RM200+ and the surgery was RM670 -just sharing info with anyone who had the same issue. I fully recommend Dr Law, the whole process took 45 minutes instead of 2 hours, and Alhamdulillah i did not felt a thing! But pain and bla bla bla came after. Till today, i had a huge hole inside my mouth, the not yet covering gums, and its annoying, trapping food that i had.



Mine was that horizontal wisdom..not my pics, i mean i had that. I am expecting the same issue on my right side, as they are exactly the same. But for now i dont want to worry. My lower left jaw is in peace


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