Today is 13th October 2009. It is 10 years today that I lost my mother. But it still felt like yesterday.
I could still remember that night. A visit from mak ngah, who never visited before. I could still remember what my brother told me, and I remembered how I fell to the ground. The image of the rumah mayat Hospital Bentong is still in the box of my mind, with the fragile me looking towards my mothers body, Pak Su is beside her, reciting the Quran. So many people is waiting for me, I heard voices and voices and voices.. and someone says, ‘Boleh ke biar dia? Budak sangat lagi ni’ But I remembered I just hopped into the van, and sit by my mothers side, with the yassin in my hand. I don’t know what happen all the way, and all of a sudden, we are in font of our home. I was hugged, and brushed by so many people, but my attention was only to my mother.
I just remembered Ustazah held my hand and told me what to do. I was alone, Along was far chasing flights, Abang ran to see Ayah in the ICU HKL, and Uda, became numb and sit still by the wall. It is still fresh in my memories the look of my mothers face when I open up the black beg. Again and again I have to wipe the blood that drains out from the back of my mothers head. It looks like my mother is sleeping, no signs that she’s been hit by a trailer at all. I heard someone says ‘Bagila saya tolong dia ustazah, she is too young for this’ ‘Biarlah.. mak dia’ I heard Ustazah told back. My best friends and neighbors were there. All are watching me. I could only remember until the bathe part. My sister arrived, we waited for her to bathe my mother. After the bathe, I couldn’t remember anything else, until being at the cemetery. I remember my friends arrived, my classmates, teachers. I remembered hugging Mye and told her, ‘Mak aku dah tak de’ and she said ‘Shhhh Its ok’.
And then it ended. After the burial, I lost my mother, for the rest of my life.
My husband said, there are so many people losing families, mothers, and father.. I know that.. but losing them like that, was different to me. Some might understand, some might not, some tried to understand, some couldn’t. Thank you for all who has been there for me. Yes, it is a long 10 years, but I want this moment – to remember my mother.
I am thankful for the event, as it made me to be more grateful, stronger. May Allah bless my late mother, and father, and all muslimin in the world.