10 years

Today is 13th October 2009. It is 10 years today that I lost my mother. But it still felt like yesterday.

I could still remember that night. A visit from mak ngah, who never visited before. I could still remember what my brother told me, and I remembered how I fell to the ground. The image of the rumah mayat Hospital Bentong is still in the box of my mind, with the fragile me looking towards my mothers body, Pak Su is beside her, reciting the Quran. So many people is waiting for me, I heard voices and voices and voices.. and someone says, ‘Boleh ke biar dia? Budak sangat lagi ni’ But I remembered I just hopped into the van, and sit by my mothers side, with the yassin in my hand. I don’t know what happen all the way, and all of a sudden, we are in font of our home. I was hugged, and brushed by so many people, but my attention was only to my mother.
I just remembered Ustazah held my hand and told me what to do. I was alone, Along was far chasing flights, Abang ran to see Ayah in the ICU HKL, and Uda, became numb and sit still by the wall. It is still fresh in my memories the look of my mothers face when I open up the black beg. Again and again I have to wipe the blood that drains out from the back of my mothers head. It looks like my mother is sleeping, no signs that she’s been hit by a trailer at all. I heard someone says ‘Bagila saya tolong dia ustazah, she is too young for this’ ‘Biarlah.. mak dia’ I heard Ustazah told back. My best friends and neighbors were there. All are watching me. I could only remember until the bathe part. My sister arrived, we waited for her to bathe my mother. After the bathe, I couldn’t remember anything else, until being at the cemetery. I remember my friends arrived, my classmates, teachers. I remembered hugging Mye and told her, ‘Mak aku dah tak de’ and she said ‘Shhhh Its ok’.

And then it ended. After the burial, I lost my mother, for the rest of my life.

My husband said, there are so many people losing families, mothers, and father.. I know that.. but losing them like that, was different to me. Some might understand, some might not, some tried to understand, some couldn’t. Thank you for all who has been there for me. Yes, it is a long 10 years, but I want this moment – to remember my mother.

I am thankful for the event, as it made me to be more grateful, stronger. May Allah bless my late mother, and father, and all muslimin in the world.


9 thoughts on “10 years

  1. alfatihah for her from me..

  2. Hanim says:

    Alfatihah. Certain things makes us stronger…. and there's no harm in making time each day to appreciate the ones we lost.My lost was 3 yrs back, still recent, but I don't think in 10 yrs I'm gonna feel any different.*hugs*

  3. Dayah says:

    Zoora..berat mata yg memandang, berat lagi bahu yg memikul.saya pun, dah kehilangan arwah mama pada 2007. mmg lain, tak dpt saya critakan kehidupan tanpa ibu…senang sgt air mata mengalir bila teringatkan arwah.saya nak sulung. dua beradik je….rasa terlalu cepat arwah meninggalkan kami sedangkan msh byk yang kami bergantung pada arwah…al-fatihah

  4. kayla says:

    my heart's with you zoora…

  5. Drama Mama says:

    zoora, i lost my dear brother about yhe same time that u lost ur mum. at times when i need someone to confide my problems and to whine about life, i'd miss him terribly coz he used to listen to me whining when he was alive.but i know it's nothing compared to losing both parents. be strong, and do take the time to remember, as they had once been the most important part of your life.al-fatihah.

  6. ZOORA says:

    thank you all.. i really appreciate and thanks for standing by me.. hugs

  7. mye says:

    you're the strongest girl i ever know! the strenght u had made u very successful. i remember that ko sorang je dpt A utk design studio that time. your design was outstanding! sesungguhnya Allah itu Maha Adil.al-Fatihah to arwah.

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