Alhamdulillah, its my 20th day of my confinement, almost halfway right? At some times, i felt like it flies fast…cant remember how I felt when Nasuha was 1 day old…and at some other time, I felt like it has been a loooongggg month (this is the longest day of my life; imitating Jack Bauer of 24).
I am up and well again.. alhamdulillah.. I can help with some of the housework now, can read to Zahraa again, can watch tv together again.. heheh and most of all… can blog again! I am bored surfing the net, using my E72.. and I cant blog thru the phone (imagine I could… I wonder how much blabss would I write).
It is different this time as I spend my confinement in our own house, when I gave birth to Zahraa, I was ‘sent’ to KL to spend confinement at my in laws. And I had a bad time…missing Zahrein most of the time, dunno what to do with crying lil Zahraa… and post partum blues was a long one for me.
So we decide to confine here! And guess what!! Post partum didnt leave me alone!!!! it did swept me thru until the 2nd week! What was it about this time…. ???? Its about Zahraa! I missed Zahraa so much, yet she is there, right in front of my eyes.. I cried everytime she went out from the house, I cried when seeig her sleep… my excuse was i pity her… i thought its a pity that she already had another sibling, yet she is still a lil girl, and need all my attention. And I miss dressing her up, holding her, playing with her, colouring, giggling, and watching tv together.
Until my bestfriends wakes me up, reminding me it was the same with Nasuha and Zahraa. Nasuah was liltle now, so I cant do much together with her, but once she was up and bounce, I can share the whole world with her, just like I did with Zahraa… The happiness I had with Zahraa will be double up with lil Nasuha, that was what they assure me.
And yes, that makes me think again.. maybe it is all true enough, and I am being all emosional all by myself..Zahraa is doing great with her abah, spending time they havent had before. I should just let them bond, and let Zahrein go thru the sweet times that I had all this while with Zahraa. And I am suppose to be fair to Nasuha, she needed to be known to be well loved, she is now glowing to show me what she had to offer.. I am now suppose to take this time-being alone with her, to get to know her and fall inlove with with this new baby. Oh, I am being selfish all this while, am I not?
Yes, second time around is not the same, of course.. because I am different now, and its a different child. Every child is different and unique on her own. Zahraa is different, and Nasuha is special on her own too. It is so not fair comparing one child to another. Whoever the child is.
Now, since I am healthier I hope to spend time for both of my girls.. taking advantage of this leave to be with Nasuha, fulfilling with her needs.. and at the same time, cuddling with Zahraa again, sneaking in between times when Nasuha is asleep.
I hope I could do this, to be there for both of my girls. Our world has change now, with Nasuha it in, just hoping its a happier and more blessed life, Insyallah.. may Allah guide me and help me get thru this.
And post partum blues… I might say goodbye to you soon enough.. sooner than the first time .. because… the second time around would never be the same ……..